No progress today at the doc appointment. I'm still not dilated, although the doctor did say that my cervix has softened and that, really, the baby could come at any time. I'll be induced on Sunday, September 12 at 8:00 pm if I haven't gone into labor by then. Here's how it works:
8:00 pm - The doctor will give me a vaginal insert called Cervidil which is a prostaglandin (also present in semen) that helps soften and thin my cervix. He'll leave that in there for 12 hours.
8:00 am (Monday morning) - If I don't go into labor after being given the Cervidil, I'll be given Pitocin (a synthetic form of oxytocin) intravenously. Oxytocin is a hormone that your body naturally secretes when it is ready to go into labor. The Pitocin will basically cause me to start contracting if I haven't already (contractions that I've heard are much more sudden and painful).
Although it is a relatively safe and common procedure, I do really really hope I'll go into labor naturally before the scheduled induction. It's just that inducing labor can cause more fetal distress, immobility for me during the process since the baby will have to be electronically monitored, and an increase in the potential for having to have a C-section.
These are the reasons the doctor gave me for inducing at 41 weeks:
1) Amniotic fluid levels tend to start decreasing after that much time, creating a less hospitable environment for the baby.
2) The placenta starts losing some of its efficiency after 41 weeks.
3) The baby could pass its first bowel movement (meconium) while still in utero, which could cause fetal distress if ingested.
COME ON, BABY!!! GET HERE BEFORE SUNDAY!!!
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Week 38
41" waist (in case you were wondering!)
Unfortunately, my last two doctors appointments haven't yielded any promising news in terms of his coming early, but I'm still hoping. I haven't started to dilate (the term for the opening of the cervix) or efface (term for the thinning of the cervix) at all yet, and the majority of babies (especially those of first-time moms) are born after their due date. Ugh. Labor Day weekend might just end up being an especially appropriately named weekend for us this year.
We've finally started to narrow down names, but we still haven't agreed on one yet. After trying to get the majority vote on our list from our brothers and sisters, Ben/Benjamin, Cale/Calen, Cam/Cameron, and Ethan are the most popular. We've decided that if the baby looks like Mike, I get to pick the name, and if the baby looks more like me, Mike gets to pick. We'd love input!
Now that I'm deep in the waiting game, I've finally started "nesting." We've been getting lots and lots of baby gear from friends and family lately, and organizing and cleaning have become particularly important in our small, one-bedroom apartment. Our living room has been totally taken over by baby stuff, and I've transformed our computer cove into a baby-changing station. Mike and I have assembled the pack 'n play (we went with the Chicco Lullaby per advice from our friends, Missy and Caitlin) and stroller (we went with the BOB Revolution 12" AW per extensive internet research) and couldn't be happier with either--and the baby's not even here yet! We're especially obsessed with our BOB stroller; it was a pretty pricey one, but according to all the reviews, it's amazing, totally worth it, perfect for jogging on any terrain, and has awesome maneuverability in city situations (we're hoping we'll end up in or near NYC or Boston for a couple of years when Mike returns from deployment and finishes his Army commitment; we should find out by March).
Actually, Mike had two weeks of block leave (pre-deployment vacation) a couple of weeks ago, and we used it to visit several MBA programs in the northeast. In addition to its great schools, Mike's family lives there (brothers and mom in NYC, dad and step-mom near Boston). We would be so lucky to have their support while Mike attended school, so he's been studying vigorously for the GMAT every chance he gets. I really don't know how he manages to stay so focused; he has drive and work ethic I've never seen in anybody before. I'm so so proud of him! No matter what path our life takes, I know we'll be one happy family.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Week 37
Baby Shower with some of my fave girls :)A few things I'm looking forward to doing once this baby makes his debut:
1. Sprawling out on my stomach or back again. Mike surprised me with a surprise pregnancy massage at Renaissance Day Spa a couple of weeks ago, and I got to lay on a bed with a special tummy-accommodating pillow (essentially, it's just a pillow with a hole in the middle to alleviate pressure on your belly). The combination of the massage and lying on my stomach was AMAZING. I could have laid there all day. I wish they made rafts like that for the pool. Lying flat on my back for an extended period of time is off limits, too (it puts pressure on the major vein/artery carrying blood and oxygen to and from the baby), so rafts are pretty much useless right now.
2. Running/sprinting outside. Now that my belly is so big, Braxton-Hicks contractions have started to kick in, I'm not supposed to let my heart rate exceed 140bpm, and the weather has been unbearably hot, I'm pretty much limited to walking on the treadmill at a leisurely pace and spending lots of time on my butt. I'm so ready to just be active, to break out into a sprint if I feel like it, to jump or play volleyball or (try to) surf. I'm ready to act youthful again!
3. Drinking a beer. A Blue Moon with an orange wedge sounds absolutely WONDERFUL.
4. Drinking coffee. I miss my Java Chip frappuccinos from Starbucks. Although they do make them in decaf, I prefer the caffeine buzz that comes along with the real ones. And, even though they say it's safe to have a cup or two of caffeine a day, I've tried to eliminate it completely since caffeine does have an effect on the baby.
5. Eating sushi. It's perfectly light and cool for the summer.
5. Wearing normal clothes. Maternity fashion isn't the most stylish, and I try to buy on the cheap since it only gets wear for such a short stint of time.
6. Sleeping for an extended period of time. Unfortunately, I know this definitely won't happen until months after the baby is born.
7. Being emotionally stable. I watched "Knocked Up" last night and suddenly broke into tears as Katherine Heigl was giving birth to her baby.
8. Having a waist and ankles again. Let's just face it; a large midsection and cankles are only cute for a very limited amount of time.
9. Holding, kissing, loving, and playing with my baby! I'm so ready to see him and get to know him and watch him learn.
10. Seeing Mike as a daddy. He'll be such a good one.
1. Sprawling out on my stomach or back again. Mike surprised me with a surprise pregnancy massage at Renaissance Day Spa a couple of weeks ago, and I got to lay on a bed with a special tummy-accommodating pillow (essentially, it's just a pillow with a hole in the middle to alleviate pressure on your belly). The combination of the massage and lying on my stomach was AMAZING. I could have laid there all day. I wish they made rafts like that for the pool. Lying flat on my back for an extended period of time is off limits, too (it puts pressure on the major vein/artery carrying blood and oxygen to and from the baby), so rafts are pretty much useless right now.
2. Running/sprinting outside. Now that my belly is so big, Braxton-Hicks contractions have started to kick in, I'm not supposed to let my heart rate exceed 140bpm, and the weather has been unbearably hot, I'm pretty much limited to walking on the treadmill at a leisurely pace and spending lots of time on my butt. I'm so ready to just be active, to break out into a sprint if I feel like it, to jump or play volleyball or (try to) surf. I'm ready to act youthful again!
3. Drinking a beer. A Blue Moon with an orange wedge sounds absolutely WONDERFUL.
4. Drinking coffee. I miss my Java Chip frappuccinos from Starbucks. Although they do make them in decaf, I prefer the caffeine buzz that comes along with the real ones. And, even though they say it's safe to have a cup or two of caffeine a day, I've tried to eliminate it completely since caffeine does have an effect on the baby.
5. Eating sushi. It's perfectly light and cool for the summer.
5. Wearing normal clothes. Maternity fashion isn't the most stylish, and I try to buy on the cheap since it only gets wear for such a short stint of time.
6. Sleeping for an extended period of time. Unfortunately, I know this definitely won't happen until months after the baby is born.
7. Being emotionally stable. I watched "Knocked Up" last night and suddenly broke into tears as Katherine Heigl was giving birth to her baby.
8. Having a waist and ankles again. Let's just face it; a large midsection and cankles are only cute for a very limited amount of time.
9. Holding, kissing, loving, and playing with my baby! I'm so ready to see him and get to know him and watch him learn.
10. Seeing Mike as a daddy. He'll be such a good one.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Week 30
From the top-down: 33 weeks pregnant, 32 Weeks pregnantShopping
Mike and I finally found the time to visit a few stores to look at nursery furniture and big items we'll need for the baby. We started with cribs which probably wasn't the best idea since they tend to be the most expensive. After checking the price tags on the first few we liked, Mike asked, "What's wrong with just putting a blanket on the floor for the baby to sleep on? Would he really know the difference?" I replied, "That's a great idea, and maybe we could just substitute rocks for toys, too." After doing more browsing through Fayetteville's Tiny Town and Babies R Us, though, we decided we'll probably just start out with a Pack 'n Play, stroller, and car seat in terms of big items. I'll be moving around so much in those first few months between our apartment in Fayetteville, my parents' house, sister's house, and visits to Mike's family that it makes more sense to wait on buying nursery furniture until Mike returns from deployment in early April. The Pack 'n Play comes with an attached bassinet, so the baby will be comfy in it for at least a few months, and my parents have a crib he can use for the spring when he's a little bigger. As far as which brand and style of items to purchase, we still have some research to do, but we're definitely not opposed to buying on eBay to cut down on expenses. I've been getting lots of requests for a registry, so hopefully I'll have it finished and posted within the week.
Dreams
I've been having the most vivid dreams lately, which is common pregnancy because, since I'm waking up every few hours, I tend to stay in the dream cycle and am kept from going into deep sleep. Here's one of my funny baby-related dreams. I'm going into labor and Mike is nowhere to be found. I call him and call him and look for him, but finally my dad has to take me to the hospital. I end up having to have a C-section, and when the doctor hands my baby to me, it's not a baby, but a mini Mike! He hops right up, stands on my shoulder, and tells me we have to get out of the hospital asap because we've got tons of things to do. When I tell him I just had a C-section and that I have to recover, he tells me to stop being a baby and that we need to get out of there so we can be productive. I'm so confused and start worrying about the fact that he's himself in adult form, just miniature, and that since everyone will think he's a baby, he'll have to go through pre-school, k-12, and college all over again and will be so much smarter than all of his peers. He tells me to stop worrying, that he'll just have me home-school him. Then I wake up. So funny, especially if you know Mike (pencil behind his ear, planner always accessible)! I've been having lots of anxiety-related dreams as well. Usually, they have to do with school. In them, I'm always pregnant, but rather than teaching, I'm still a student and am missing assignments or classes that are keeping from graduating college. Weird, huh?
Baby's Development
He now weighs around 3 lbs and has fully formed eyelashes and eyebrows. His brain is beginning to take over temperature regulation, so most of the peach fuzz, or lanugo, that covered his body is dissentigrating. I'm noticing that he hiccups all the time now, especially after I eat. His hiccup sessions usually last around 5 minutes or so. His movements are also getting much stronger, and I can usually tell whether it's his foot that's jabbing me, or if it's his little hand which feels must smaller and has a softer, lighter touch. Mike enjoys putting his head on my belly to feel all the different kinds of movements, and it's fun to watch my tummy move around as the baby changes positions. We also signed up for July childbirth classes, which I'm sure will come with some fun stories!
Mike and I finally found the time to visit a few stores to look at nursery furniture and big items we'll need for the baby. We started with cribs which probably wasn't the best idea since they tend to be the most expensive. After checking the price tags on the first few we liked, Mike asked, "What's wrong with just putting a blanket on the floor for the baby to sleep on? Would he really know the difference?" I replied, "That's a great idea, and maybe we could just substitute rocks for toys, too." After doing more browsing through Fayetteville's Tiny Town and Babies R Us, though, we decided we'll probably just start out with a Pack 'n Play, stroller, and car seat in terms of big items. I'll be moving around so much in those first few months between our apartment in Fayetteville, my parents' house, sister's house, and visits to Mike's family that it makes more sense to wait on buying nursery furniture until Mike returns from deployment in early April. The Pack 'n Play comes with an attached bassinet, so the baby will be comfy in it for at least a few months, and my parents have a crib he can use for the spring when he's a little bigger. As far as which brand and style of items to purchase, we still have some research to do, but we're definitely not opposed to buying on eBay to cut down on expenses. I've been getting lots of requests for a registry, so hopefully I'll have it finished and posted within the week.
Dreams
I've been having the most vivid dreams lately, which is common pregnancy because, since I'm waking up every few hours, I tend to stay in the dream cycle and am kept from going into deep sleep. Here's one of my funny baby-related dreams. I'm going into labor and Mike is nowhere to be found. I call him and call him and look for him, but finally my dad has to take me to the hospital. I end up having to have a C-section, and when the doctor hands my baby to me, it's not a baby, but a mini Mike! He hops right up, stands on my shoulder, and tells me we have to get out of the hospital asap because we've got tons of things to do. When I tell him I just had a C-section and that I have to recover, he tells me to stop being a baby and that we need to get out of there so we can be productive. I'm so confused and start worrying about the fact that he's himself in adult form, just miniature, and that since everyone will think he's a baby, he'll have to go through pre-school, k-12, and college all over again and will be so much smarter than all of his peers. He tells me to stop worrying, that he'll just have me home-school him. Then I wake up. So funny, especially if you know Mike (pencil behind his ear, planner always accessible)! I've been having lots of anxiety-related dreams as well. Usually, they have to do with school. In them, I'm always pregnant, but rather than teaching, I'm still a student and am missing assignments or classes that are keeping from graduating college. Weird, huh?
Baby's Development
He now weighs around 3 lbs and has fully formed eyelashes and eyebrows. His brain is beginning to take over temperature regulation, so most of the peach fuzz, or lanugo, that covered his body is dissentigrating. I'm noticing that he hiccups all the time now, especially after I eat. His hiccup sessions usually last around 5 minutes or so. His movements are also getting much stronger, and I can usually tell whether it's his foot that's jabbing me, or if it's his little hand which feels must smaller and has a softer, lighter touch. Mike enjoys putting his head on my belly to feel all the different kinds of movements, and it's fun to watch my tummy move around as the baby changes positions. We also signed up for July childbirth classes, which I'm sure will come with some fun stories!
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Week 29
Schooooool's out out for summer! Schooooool's out for-ever! Well, maybe. Since our baby is due in September and Mike will be deploying for six to seven months, I'll be retiring as a teacher and assuming the role of stay-at-home mom, or, as I once heard it referred to as, domestic engineer. That has a nice ring to it. I say I'm retiring rather than taking a leave of absence because, when I do go back to work, I'm planning on taking up a different occupation. And, who knows? Maybe once I'm removed from teaching for a while, I'll decide otherwise, but for now, I'm thinking about getting my graduate degree in counseling. Although teaching can be very rewarding, I know that to be the kind of teacher I want to be would require round-the-clock time and attention. It's definitely not a job that can just be left at the door at 5:00. I'm not saying counseling would be an easy job by any means, it just wouldn't require the same type of energy and effort needed to manage large groups of students every day (and managing students in poverty requires a whole different kind of energy).
Poverty is its own animal within the education system and, speaking from experience, will drain every ounce of energy right out of a teacher. To give you a little bit of background on the school for which I worked, Terry Sanford, it's very unique in terms of demographics. Its location attracts some of the wealthiest students as well as the most poverty-stricken students, and very few in between. The wealthy students tend to end up in mostly honors and advanced placement (AP) classes, while the poor students tend to end up in standard classes.
Three of the five classes I taught were standard English 1 classes, and, at the end of the year, the demographics of the 66 students in those classes were as follows: 39 black (59%), 17 white (27%), 7 Hispanic (11%), 2 other (3%). The majority of those students had a family alert on file, which basically means they lived in either a one-parent household or with someone other than a parent (e.g. grandparent, aunt, brother, etc.), and lived in low-income environments. 7 of my 39 black students did not pass the end-of-course exam (2 of whom had learning disabilities), 1 of my 17 white students didn't pass (had a learning disability), and 3 of my 7 Hispanic students didn't pass (2 of whom were learning English as a second language, one of those two not having spoken a word of English at the beginning of the year). The diversity and varying learning capacities of these students make planning, preparation, and differentiation so critical in meeting their academic and emotional needs, which is overwhelming when they tend to require so much more individual attention than peers in healthy circumstances.
Poverty creates so many challenges in establishing an atmosphere for learning. Think how hard it can be for adolescents in healthy situations to focus. They've got boyfriends/girlfriends on the brain, Friday night's football/basketball game, after-school practice, gossip to share, etc. For the most part, though, they have adults at home who care about and are encouraging, vouching for, pushing for them to succeed. The adults in their at-home lives usually do everything in their power to help them be successful in high-school and post-secondary endeavors. Now, think about high-schoolers in poverty. Not only do they have normal adolescent issues like the ones listed above, they also may have very young, single or low-educational-level parents who face unemployment; they may face abuse and neglect, substance abuse, dangerous neighborhoods, homelessness, frequent mobility, and exposure to inadequate or inappropriate educational experiences. An awesome resource for the effects of poverty on teaching and learning is www.teach-nology.com.
One critical component of inadequate exposure to educational experiences these children face deals with vocabulary. Research from the U.S. Department of Education has shown that, by the age of three, high-income children hear an average of 30 million words, middle-income children hear an average of 20 million, and low-income children hear an average of 10 million (that's only 1/3 as many words as are heard in affluent households). When a student is unfamiliar with vocabulary, it makes comprehending academic texts much more difficult, and to get low-income students up to vocab-par with affluent students, it would require about 41 extra hours of out-of-home word exposure per week (www2.ed.gov).
Lots of public schools, including Terry Sanford, are making educational progress with these students, but schools that have done the best job have been those whose entire faculty dedicate round-the-clock attention to the student body. I watched a 60 Minutes piece on The SEED School of Maryland, a very successful urban public boarding school for disadvantaged students whose teachers are available until basically 10:00 every night for tutoring, whose students stay there in dormitory-like housing from 6th grade forward, and whose character-building curriculum focuses on eight specific values, including responsibility, respect, compassion, empathy, integrity, self-discipline, self-determination, and perseverence. 98% of the SEED's students are accepted to college. The school has proven that it's possible for disadvantaged children to succeed, but it definitely takes faculty who are willing to basically dedicate their entire livelihood to the students, and it requires removing the students from their home environments to completely refocus their set of values. The school's website is www.seedschoolmd.org.
I admire those teachers who are willing to dedicate that much time, but, at this point in my life, I definitely couldn't do it, especially with a baby. I do feel a little guilty about not sticking it out for just one more year because, when I was still in college working at 4 Olives Wine Bar, an older man who had taught in the heart of New York City's public school system (I think somewhere in the Bronx) sparked a conversation with me about teaching, specifically urban education. He made me promise to stick it out for at least three years. He said the stress of the job is extremely lessened after that. I think I would have stuck with it if Mike and I hadn't decided to start a family so soon, but I couldn't be happier with our decision and for the new experiences that will come with it. As I mentioned above, when I do go back to work, I think an occupation like counseling would give me a sense of contribution that would be more manageable in congruence with raising a family; it would also fit my personality more than teaching does. I'm definitely not naturally a super-extroverted entertainer, so teaching teenagers who really need that type of personality for motivation is extra draining for me. I'm much more comfortable with small-group or one-on-one guidance, and being a little removed from daily classroom behavioral management would give me more compassion as well. Being immersed in the classroom in the stressful culture of poverty definitely forces you to take a step back every day to remember the environment the kids face at home, or frustration can often overcome empathy. Hopefully with counseling, I'll be able to contribute even more in different ways!
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Week 27
The three pics at the top are from week 26 at Wrightsville Beach (just outside Wilmington, NC), and the three pics below those are from week 18 in Jamaica. I remember being so happy that I was finally showing in Jamaica, but looking back at the pics, I was still so small! It's crazy how much my tummy has grown in the past 8 or 9 weeks.
Everything continues to go well, and I only have one more week of teaching left! These last couple of weeks have made me especially ready for the break as they've been overloaded with end-of-course testing and remediation. I'll definitely be hitting up the pool in the weeks to come.
According to my glucose test, I don't have gestational diabetes. The baby's heart rate measures in around 140 bpm, and my tummy growth is right on target. I've gained about 20 lbs since the beginning of the pregnancy, and the doc said I should be gaining around a pound a week from here on out. That will most likely put me at a total gain of 35 lbs by the due date. The recommended weight gain for a person of healthy pre-pregnancy weight is 25-35 lbs, so I'm on the high end of that. I have to admit, I definitely haven't been exercising like I should (I'll blame it on feeling drained from my job), so hopefully, I'll be able to do more yoga and walking over the summer. I used to run a lot, but after I miscarried, I got out of my routine and didn't get back into it for this pregnancy. I don't want to overdo it, but I think some exercise will give me some much needed third-trimester energy (which, by the way, will start in just one more week!). I'll also blame the gain on my carb cravings! :)
Here's what I've read about the distribution of weight gain:
Nutrient, protein and fat stores: 7-10 lbs.
Extra blood volume (It increases by 45-50%! Crazy, right?): 3-4 lbs.
Retained fluids: 3-4 lbs.
Breasts: 1-2 lbs.
Uterus: 1-2 lbs.
Amniotic fluid: 2-3 lbs.
Placenta: 1-2 lbs.
Baby: 6-8 lbs.
Baby continues to move around like crazy. Yesterday morning, I was spooning Mike, and he could feel the baby kicking his butt. So cute! As excited as we are about our baby's arrival, Mike and I definitely want to take advantage of our time alone together this summer. Since I won't be able to fly or travel long distances once August hits, we're trying to get as much togetherness and as many trips in as possible this month and next month. We definitely want to "live deep and suck the marrow out of life" together, as Thoreau would say, while our stresses are still limited, budget is not too tight, and Mike is actually in the US.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Week 25
I've been getting lots of requests for more pics of my bump, and hopefully, I'll get some up in the next week or two. We left our camera charger in Jamaica last month, so I just have to get a new one. In the mean time, though, here's how the baby and pregnancy have progressed so far:
Pregnancy Symptoms
Most of my pregnancy symptoms I mentioned in a few posts past have luckily gone away. The one that has stuck around, though, is lack of sleep at night. I'm still frequently waking up to change positions or go to the bathroom. I guess the interruptions are just nature's way of preparing me for the sleepless nights I'll be getting when the baby actually arrives. Other than that, my bump just continues to grow, and I started using tummy butter to hopefully prevent stretch marks. I read that stretch marks are just genetic, that there's no proof that lotions or creams work, but it can't hurt to try them, right? One more symptom that has begun is swelling ankles. I think they'll get better when school is over because, then, I won't be on my feet all day, but for now, it helps to just prop my feet up on the couch for about an hour when I get home. Hopefully, the summer heat won't magnify the problem too much, or I'll be walking around with the worst cankles ever.
Baby's Development
My last few doctor's appointments have just been quick checks of his heartbeat, but my next one (in two weeks) will be the blood sugar screening which tests for gestational diabetes. I think they'll also be checking for iron-deficiency anemia. Hopefully I won't have any issues, though, and things will continue to go smoothly!
According to everything I've read, the baby is about the size of an eggplant right now and weighs between 1.5 and 2 pounds. For still being such a lightweight, though, he sure can kick! He definitely seems to be making my uterus into some sort of gymnasium. It's funny to see my stomach bounce up and down he twists and turns, and I like to picture him either doing kickboxing or gymnastics in there. He definitely seems to be a hyper little guy right now. His skin is very transparent and wrinkly since fat hasn't formed under it yet, maybe resembling a furless, see-through Shar Pei? His face is fully formed, his lungs are beginning to develop, and he can hear most noises outside the womb. Apparently, he'll already recognize Mike's and my voices when he arrives! I read, too, that it's pretty noisy inside the womb. He can hear my lungs filling with air, blood rushing through my veins and arteries, my heart beating, stomach gurgling, and voice. I should also be able to hear his heartbeat with a stethoscope now, so my friend, Sonya, who sells medical equipment/devices, is going to bring one to me in a week or two when she comes to visit from Ohio. Her husband is returning from a year-long deployment; yayayayay for his safe return and their reunion!
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Week 24
Blessings for me to count in my bouts of anxiety...
My Job
I have to admit, I complain about my job a lot. I complain about the lack of resources, the kids' behavior, the interruptions, the paperwork, the amount of time and energy it requires compared to the pay. And sometimes, when I'm standing in the hallways between class periods amidst the chaos, I feel like I float outside myself and wonder, how could I have possibly chosen this? Why and how in the world could I have actually chosen to work with crazy-dramatic, hormonal, loud, obnoxious, know-it-all teenagers?
A couple of weekends ago, though, I did some reflecting on my job. It's a job that has pushed me out of my comfort zone. It's forced me to experience backgrounds that couldn't be more different from the white middle-class bubble in which I grew up. It's forced me to really learn what it means to be patient and to learn the important balance between productivity and building relationships with my students. It's forced me to celebrate the differences in people sometimes more often than the commonalities and to learn that every single person has such a unique set of qualities to contribute, even if it's outside the realm of what you're looking for in a certain area or at a given moment. And it's forced me realize that meaningful change occurs gradually. The fact that teaching has been more challenging than I could have ever imagined is exactly what's made it an amazing experience. Ironically, I think I've truly learned and grown from this experience and my students even more than I've taught. Although I am excited for some time off, I know I'll miss the kids a lot next year; I want so badly for them to lead happy, fulfilling lives.
My Friends
Along with complaining about my job has come complaining about Mike's job. It becomes very easy to focus on all of the negative aspects of life amidst the Army, such as deployments and training stints, having to go through periods of readjustment after periods of time away from each other, unpredictability and lack of control in schedule, etc., etc. However, something that has been truly awesome in my experience with being married to an Army man is the absolutely amazing group of friends I've met. We've been able to rely on each other through big changes in each of our lives, all within just a two-year span of time: deployments, marriages, pregnancies, births. And that's just naming a few. Since our husbands are gone so often with training courses and deployments, we've relied on each other in ways most women who are married probably haven't. And since we're all in a place where our families aren't, we've, in a way, become our own little family.
My miscarriage is an experience that sticks out to me in showing how truly amazing this group of girls is. Caitlin, who was pregnant herself, sat beside me in the hospital as the doctor told me my baby didn't have a heartbeat. Missy, who was also pregnant, made her home mine, too, in the days to follow so I wouldn't have to go through the experience alone. Caitlin, Lea, Missy, and Alison rushed me to the hospital the next day when contractions got so bad that I was vomiting, could barely talk, and couldn't walk. Lea sat beside me in the hospital through the night (since they wouldn't let all of the girls back) to comfort me as they waited for my blood pressure to stabilize to give me pain meds. She took care of me, without having had any sleep herself, until my mom arrived the following morning.
It is so humbling to have met a group of such amazing people with such incredibly generous and sincere hearts. I feel so lucky to have met each of them, and I can't wait to see where life takes them. A few have moved away already from Fayetteville, as that just comes with being attached to the Army, but I can definitely say that we'll keep up with and visit each other no matter where we end up. I'm so excited to share the arrival of our baby with them in just a little more than three months!
My Family
As I expressed in my last post, I've been thinking a lot, lately, about Mike's deployment and raising the baby on my own for 6 months. I've also been anxious about the thought of not working during that time. I've consistently held or been looking for a job since the age of 14, and not having to worry about that makes me a little nervous. I think the idea of feeling that I graduated college to raise a baby is a little unsettling sometimes, too. I know the way that sounds, and I really do know what a significant and important job raising a child is. It's just that I feel a little guilty sometimes thinking that I'm going to solely dedicate my livelihood to raising a baby and family, when there is more I could do to contribute.
This morning, though, I thought how lucky I'll be to spend such priceless time with my family during those months Mike's away. I think there are so many people who would give anything to spend more time with their family and kids and less time at work, and since I'm in a position to do that, I'm going to try everyday to appreciate it to the absolute fullest. Assuming the baby comes on time, Mike is scheduled to deploy approximately a week after he's born. I'm planning to spend the next few months back in Kansas. I feel so excited for the opportunity to give my mom and dad the chance to really develop a relationship with their grandson, my sister and brothers a relationship with their nephew, and vice versa. My parents are the two most selfless and loving people I know, and I think my baby will be blessed to start his life surrounded by them. And I'll get to spend time with the people I love more than anything in the world during such an amazing change in my own life.
I'm also so excited to spend time getting know my brothers again. Since I went to college when they were just entering middle and high school, I've been away from them through most of the formative years of their lives. It's hard for me to perceive them as the men they are now, because I really haven't gotten much chance to know them in that way. I've been there for most of the important things like holidays and graduations, but I haven't had an every day relationship with them like my sister has, and I don't have as close a relationship with them as I do with Molly. They've always been my little brothers, and I'm excited to get to know them even better as the adults they now are.
And, of course, I can't wait to spend time with my sister and friends in Kansas! The day before Mike and I got married, my friend, Kerry, said how amazing it's been to see each other make the transition from college kids to adults and to go through all of those meaningful, coming-of-age experiences together. It's very special to me to have a group of friends at home who I've been able to stay so close to, despite the distance, who have seen me at both my best and worst, who I'll always be there for, and who, I know, will always be there for me, too.
My Marriage
Lately, my being pregnant and Mike's hectic work and GMAT study schedule have put a damper on our weekend activities. We're usually pretty active people, but, lately, what spare time we have has been spent either at home in front of the TV, or at Barnes and Noble reading/studying. Last weekend, however, we were just itching to move, to dance, to do something. Since Fayetteville's nightlife is pretty limited to either bars, restaurants, or movies, Mike suggested we have our own little dance party to some "oldies but goodies" at home. It only lasted through one song. My growing belly and inability to have a drink or glass of wine just take some of the fun away from the dance scene. We were back to square one. The weather outside was amazing, but live music and cozy bistros are pretty obsolete here, so we settled on heading to the pool to chat and enjoy spring's balmy warm night. Mike grabbed his bottle of wine, I grabbed my bottle of water, and we trekked down to relax in lawn chairs by the glistening lights of the pool.
When we arrived, there was a Spanish birthday party being held in the far corner of the patio. They were playing Hispanic music, families were dancing with their babies and toddlers, and friends were sipping their drinks, relaxing and laughing in lounge chairs. We watched and admired the sense of family and community that seems to be so present in Hispanic culture, and Mike commented on how much fun it would be to have our own dance parties with our baby in a year or two. As we spent the next hour-and-a-half just talking and soaking up the festivities in the background and atmosphere of the summer-like night, a euphoric wave of emotion seemed to overcome me. I felt such an incredible sense of intimacy and companionship with Mike. It was just this amazing warm feeling of really understanding the happiness of that specific moment. No yearnings for the past. No worries about the future. The two of us together, just being. I realized that there was absolutely no other place in the world I'd have rather been than there with him at that moment, doing exactly what we were doing. He makes me so happy.
We talked about how much our relationship has grown through the past couple of years with each other. We went through so many adjustments that naturally came with Mike's being gone for weeks at a time in the Q-course. He went and is still going through a drastic and challenging change in career paths. We celebrated our marriage, were surprised with a positive pregnancy test a few weeks later, and were devastated in losing that baby a few days after Mike deployed. We made hard decisions about starting a family in the midst of Mike's future deployment schedule, and, now, we are just a few months away from welcoming our new little son into our arms. Like any relationship, ours has definitely had its trials and tribulations, but I feel every day that, even when my heart feels filled to the absolute brim, it always makes room to love him even more. It's the most comforting feeling in the world--it's the feeling of home. I respect him so incredibly much, and home will always be wherever he is. I feel so lucky to be able to take this future journey through parenthood with my most favorite person and friend in the world.
My Job
I have to admit, I complain about my job a lot. I complain about the lack of resources, the kids' behavior, the interruptions, the paperwork, the amount of time and energy it requires compared to the pay. And sometimes, when I'm standing in the hallways between class periods amidst the chaos, I feel like I float outside myself and wonder, how could I have possibly chosen this? Why and how in the world could I have actually chosen to work with crazy-dramatic, hormonal, loud, obnoxious, know-it-all teenagers?
A couple of weekends ago, though, I did some reflecting on my job. It's a job that has pushed me out of my comfort zone. It's forced me to experience backgrounds that couldn't be more different from the white middle-class bubble in which I grew up. It's forced me to really learn what it means to be patient and to learn the important balance between productivity and building relationships with my students. It's forced me to celebrate the differences in people sometimes more often than the commonalities and to learn that every single person has such a unique set of qualities to contribute, even if it's outside the realm of what you're looking for in a certain area or at a given moment. And it's forced me realize that meaningful change occurs gradually. The fact that teaching has been more challenging than I could have ever imagined is exactly what's made it an amazing experience. Ironically, I think I've truly learned and grown from this experience and my students even more than I've taught. Although I am excited for some time off, I know I'll miss the kids a lot next year; I want so badly for them to lead happy, fulfilling lives.
My Friends
Along with complaining about my job has come complaining about Mike's job. It becomes very easy to focus on all of the negative aspects of life amidst the Army, such as deployments and training stints, having to go through periods of readjustment after periods of time away from each other, unpredictability and lack of control in schedule, etc., etc. However, something that has been truly awesome in my experience with being married to an Army man is the absolutely amazing group of friends I've met. We've been able to rely on each other through big changes in each of our lives, all within just a two-year span of time: deployments, marriages, pregnancies, births. And that's just naming a few. Since our husbands are gone so often with training courses and deployments, we've relied on each other in ways most women who are married probably haven't. And since we're all in a place where our families aren't, we've, in a way, become our own little family.
My miscarriage is an experience that sticks out to me in showing how truly amazing this group of girls is. Caitlin, who was pregnant herself, sat beside me in the hospital as the doctor told me my baby didn't have a heartbeat. Missy, who was also pregnant, made her home mine, too, in the days to follow so I wouldn't have to go through the experience alone. Caitlin, Lea, Missy, and Alison rushed me to the hospital the next day when contractions got so bad that I was vomiting, could barely talk, and couldn't walk. Lea sat beside me in the hospital through the night (since they wouldn't let all of the girls back) to comfort me as they waited for my blood pressure to stabilize to give me pain meds. She took care of me, without having had any sleep herself, until my mom arrived the following morning.
It is so humbling to have met a group of such amazing people with such incredibly generous and sincere hearts. I feel so lucky to have met each of them, and I can't wait to see where life takes them. A few have moved away already from Fayetteville, as that just comes with being attached to the Army, but I can definitely say that we'll keep up with and visit each other no matter where we end up. I'm so excited to share the arrival of our baby with them in just a little more than three months!
My Family
As I expressed in my last post, I've been thinking a lot, lately, about Mike's deployment and raising the baby on my own for 6 months. I've also been anxious about the thought of not working during that time. I've consistently held or been looking for a job since the age of 14, and not having to worry about that makes me a little nervous. I think the idea of feeling that I graduated college to raise a baby is a little unsettling sometimes, too. I know the way that sounds, and I really do know what a significant and important job raising a child is. It's just that I feel a little guilty sometimes thinking that I'm going to solely dedicate my livelihood to raising a baby and family, when there is more I could do to contribute.
This morning, though, I thought how lucky I'll be to spend such priceless time with my family during those months Mike's away. I think there are so many people who would give anything to spend more time with their family and kids and less time at work, and since I'm in a position to do that, I'm going to try everyday to appreciate it to the absolute fullest. Assuming the baby comes on time, Mike is scheduled to deploy approximately a week after he's born. I'm planning to spend the next few months back in Kansas. I feel so excited for the opportunity to give my mom and dad the chance to really develop a relationship with their grandson, my sister and brothers a relationship with their nephew, and vice versa. My parents are the two most selfless and loving people I know, and I think my baby will be blessed to start his life surrounded by them. And I'll get to spend time with the people I love more than anything in the world during such an amazing change in my own life.
I'm also so excited to spend time getting know my brothers again. Since I went to college when they were just entering middle and high school, I've been away from them through most of the formative years of their lives. It's hard for me to perceive them as the men they are now, because I really haven't gotten much chance to know them in that way. I've been there for most of the important things like holidays and graduations, but I haven't had an every day relationship with them like my sister has, and I don't have as close a relationship with them as I do with Molly. They've always been my little brothers, and I'm excited to get to know them even better as the adults they now are.
And, of course, I can't wait to spend time with my sister and friends in Kansas! The day before Mike and I got married, my friend, Kerry, said how amazing it's been to see each other make the transition from college kids to adults and to go through all of those meaningful, coming-of-age experiences together. It's very special to me to have a group of friends at home who I've been able to stay so close to, despite the distance, who have seen me at both my best and worst, who I'll always be there for, and who, I know, will always be there for me, too.
My Marriage
Lately, my being pregnant and Mike's hectic work and GMAT study schedule have put a damper on our weekend activities. We're usually pretty active people, but, lately, what spare time we have has been spent either at home in front of the TV, or at Barnes and Noble reading/studying. Last weekend, however, we were just itching to move, to dance, to do something. Since Fayetteville's nightlife is pretty limited to either bars, restaurants, or movies, Mike suggested we have our own little dance party to some "oldies but goodies" at home. It only lasted through one song. My growing belly and inability to have a drink or glass of wine just take some of the fun away from the dance scene. We were back to square one. The weather outside was amazing, but live music and cozy bistros are pretty obsolete here, so we settled on heading to the pool to chat and enjoy spring's balmy warm night. Mike grabbed his bottle of wine, I grabbed my bottle of water, and we trekked down to relax in lawn chairs by the glistening lights of the pool.
When we arrived, there was a Spanish birthday party being held in the far corner of the patio. They were playing Hispanic music, families were dancing with their babies and toddlers, and friends were sipping their drinks, relaxing and laughing in lounge chairs. We watched and admired the sense of family and community that seems to be so present in Hispanic culture, and Mike commented on how much fun it would be to have our own dance parties with our baby in a year or two. As we spent the next hour-and-a-half just talking and soaking up the festivities in the background and atmosphere of the summer-like night, a euphoric wave of emotion seemed to overcome me. I felt such an incredible sense of intimacy and companionship with Mike. It was just this amazing warm feeling of really understanding the happiness of that specific moment. No yearnings for the past. No worries about the future. The two of us together, just being. I realized that there was absolutely no other place in the world I'd have rather been than there with him at that moment, doing exactly what we were doing. He makes me so happy.
We talked about how much our relationship has grown through the past couple of years with each other. We went through so many adjustments that naturally came with Mike's being gone for weeks at a time in the Q-course. He went and is still going through a drastic and challenging change in career paths. We celebrated our marriage, were surprised with a positive pregnancy test a few weeks later, and were devastated in losing that baby a few days after Mike deployed. We made hard decisions about starting a family in the midst of Mike's future deployment schedule, and, now, we are just a few months away from welcoming our new little son into our arms. Like any relationship, ours has definitely had its trials and tribulations, but I feel every day that, even when my heart feels filled to the absolute brim, it always makes room to love him even more. It's the most comforting feeling in the world--it's the feeling of home. I respect him so incredibly much, and home will always be wherever he is. I feel so lucky to be able to take this future journey through parenthood with my most favorite person and friend in the world.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Week 21
So, I haven't blogged in a while, and that's for a couple of reasons. First, I'm horrible at finishing big extended projects, and second, I really didn't feel very pregnant once the first trimester ended. My morning sickness and fatigue went away, and my body seemed to have completely adjusted to the little guy growing inside me. Unfortunately, though, I've picked up a whole new load of symptoms all at once in this past week-and-a-half.
The most noticeable to me is the lack of sleep I'm getting during the night. I usually wake up once, sometimes twice, to go to the bathroom, and if it's not to go to the bathroom, it's because my hips are killing me from sleeping on my side. For the past few days, I've improvised by moving to the couch for the back support and by shoving a pillow between my legs, but I miss my husband! He gets home from work only an hour or hour-and-a-half before I go to bed, so I really appreciate the cuddle time I have with him at night. Buying a body pillow will be a "must" on my to-do list for this weekend.
Other symptoms have just popped up within the past week or two. Back pain is a big one. I find myself sitting down a lot more frequently than usual at work, because it hurts to walk around for long periods of time. Another is bleeding gums. I am now using Listerine three times a day because I read that "pregnancy gingivitis," if left untreated, can cause pre-term labor. Apparently, the mouth bacteria also travels to the amniotic fluid. A third is increasing pressure on my bladder. I had read about pregnancy incontinence, but I completely thought it was a myth and that there was no way it would happen to me. Wrong. I sneezed a couple of weeks ago while walking into Subway and peed my pants a little! So embarrassing. Sneezes really scare me now. Another, and probably most horrible so far, has been a hemorrhoid. I really freaked out about it, and unfortunately, a friend informed me that hers didn't go away until weeks after she gave birth. The worst.
Another big symptom has been my emotional instability. Along with my growing bump, more and more questions have begun to come from people who notice it. I can't begin to express how excited I am about meeting my baby, and Mike and I put a lot of thought and planning into making sure I would give birth before he deployed, but thinking about that time getting closer and closer has started to make me really anxious. Seeing my friends care for their infants, and noticing all the preparation and thought that goes into every single step they do, makes me so nervous to do it on my own for six months. It seems like they know exactly what to do and when to do it, and I'm just scared that it won't come as naturally for me. I know I'll do it and that if there is any time in the baby's life that's most conducive to Mike's being gone, it's those first six months, but I just have so many mixed emotions about it. I know, though, that when that baby is finally here, it all will seem so worth it.
On a positive note, I started feeling the baby move at about 15.5 weeks! For those of you who haven't been pregnant before, most first-time moms usually don't start feeling kicks until between 18 and 20 weeks. It made sense after my 18-week ultrasound, though, because our baby weighed about 9 oz. at that point. Of course, I always forget my questions once I'm sitting in front of the doctor, so when I got home, I Googled the average weight for an 18-week-old fetus, and found that it's 6.7 oz. I freaked a little, wondering if that meant I would be likely to give birth to a giant, but everything I've read says that all babies grow at different rates and that I shouldn't worry. He may have just gone through a little growth spurt. The doctor said all other measurements were right on target for my September 5 due date.
Speaking of "he," it's a boy! We were actually very surprised to see his "turtle" on the ultrasound because we had convinced ourselves it would be a girl. In fact, we had not picked out one boy's name and we're still having trouble coming up with any we can both agree on. Suggestions are very welcome!
My freshman students at school claimed they had known it was going to be a boy for weeks. It's funny to listen to all the pregnancy jargon they're so familiar with, including "you're going to be all belly" (spoken by a boy), and "oh, you're carrying so low; it'll be a boy for sure." So many of them seem to be veterans on pregnancy. I have lots of freshmen whose mothers, sisters, aunts, etc. are expecting, and others who are expecting, themselves. Unfortunately, it hasn't seemed uncommon lately to see 15 and 16 year-old girls roaming the hallways with baby bellies. I recently spoke with the school social worker about the number of students this year who seem to be getting pregnant, and she commented that she sees a common theme of their wanting someone who will love them, as well as a certain feeling of entitlement to having a baby. It really is a complex situation.
A couple of weeks ago, an expecting student said to me, "You're pregnant, right? Well, I have a question about those government check things you get when the baby's born." She was referring to the WIC (Women, Infants, Children) program that I only knew a little about because I had worked as a cashier at a grocery store all four years of high-school. It's a program that provides low-income mothers with vouchers for food items such as baby formula, cheese, eggs, bread, veggies, etc. I told her I probably wasn't the best person to ask because I didn't know very much about it all, and she acted completely shocked. She responded, "What do you mean? You get it, right? Everybody who has a baby gets it." When I told her that, no, I didn't get it, she asked, "You mean, you have to pay for Enfamil and stuff with your own money? Why?" I was stumped. I didn't really know what the right way to answer her was. I just told her that, luckily, my husband and I both have good jobs that make us enough money to support the baby on our own. "Oh, so you're too rich to be on it, huh? I bet you wish you got it, though, right? That stuff's expensive." Again, I said, "No." I told her that since we could afford to pay for the baby, and that since we had made the decision to have it and take care of it, we wanted to do it without government help.
I do think WIC is such a great and much needed program. I know there are lots of moms out there that probably wouldn't be able to make it without it. My conversation with this student, though, really made me so frustrated with the culture of poverty. And to preface my next statement, I really don't mean to generalize, because I know there are many many people in unideal financial situations, who struggle and work their butts off to turn things around for themselves and their families. It's just that I think there are many kids and teens who haven't been taught that government assistance programs shouldn't necessarily be used as a consistent source of income. How do we effectively give students in poverty equal opportunities and educate them in setting realistic goals for themselves? I know the answer involves some sort of intricate combination of education, individual motivation, and a decrease in society's glass ceilings and negative enablers, but why can't there just be a simple solution?
In my junior English class, we're reading Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby, and, along with that, discussing and studying the American dream. I had them read a New York Times article that poses the question: "Is the American dream that people can rise from rags to riches with a little grit and imagination - or fall from the top rungs to lesser positions if they can't cut it - mostly a myth?" (www.nytimes.com). Most of my students said they truly believe in the American dream, but contradictorily, numerous studies have shown that, despite the success stories on which we tend to base this dream, the vast majority of people won't climb from poverty to wealth or fall from wealth to the middle class. So to pose the seemingly ever present question, how do we make that dream come alive? How do we close the gap? Of course, education is a humongous part of the answer, but poverty still doesn't seem to be diminishing. And if we could close the gap, would money and excess truly make people happier? In the story of Gatsby, the narrator, Nick Carraway, says, "There are only the pursued, the pursuing, the busy, and the tired." In other words, these core problems are ubiquitous even among the wealthy. So what is the answer? How do we make life better for all people?
I know I just completely digressed from the topic of pregnancy, but I think those are the topics we really have to discuss to raise healthy babies who are loved and feel confident in their ability to make a positive contribution.
The most noticeable to me is the lack of sleep I'm getting during the night. I usually wake up once, sometimes twice, to go to the bathroom, and if it's not to go to the bathroom, it's because my hips are killing me from sleeping on my side. For the past few days, I've improvised by moving to the couch for the back support and by shoving a pillow between my legs, but I miss my husband! He gets home from work only an hour or hour-and-a-half before I go to bed, so I really appreciate the cuddle time I have with him at night. Buying a body pillow will be a "must" on my to-do list for this weekend.
Other symptoms have just popped up within the past week or two. Back pain is a big one. I find myself sitting down a lot more frequently than usual at work, because it hurts to walk around for long periods of time. Another is bleeding gums. I am now using Listerine three times a day because I read that "pregnancy gingivitis," if left untreated, can cause pre-term labor. Apparently, the mouth bacteria also travels to the amniotic fluid. A third is increasing pressure on my bladder. I had read about pregnancy incontinence, but I completely thought it was a myth and that there was no way it would happen to me. Wrong. I sneezed a couple of weeks ago while walking into Subway and peed my pants a little! So embarrassing. Sneezes really scare me now. Another, and probably most horrible so far, has been a hemorrhoid. I really freaked out about it, and unfortunately, a friend informed me that hers didn't go away until weeks after she gave birth. The worst.
Another big symptom has been my emotional instability. Along with my growing bump, more and more questions have begun to come from people who notice it. I can't begin to express how excited I am about meeting my baby, and Mike and I put a lot of thought and planning into making sure I would give birth before he deployed, but thinking about that time getting closer and closer has started to make me really anxious. Seeing my friends care for their infants, and noticing all the preparation and thought that goes into every single step they do, makes me so nervous to do it on my own for six months. It seems like they know exactly what to do and when to do it, and I'm just scared that it won't come as naturally for me. I know I'll do it and that if there is any time in the baby's life that's most conducive to Mike's being gone, it's those first six months, but I just have so many mixed emotions about it. I know, though, that when that baby is finally here, it all will seem so worth it.
On a positive note, I started feeling the baby move at about 15.5 weeks! For those of you who haven't been pregnant before, most first-time moms usually don't start feeling kicks until between 18 and 20 weeks. It made sense after my 18-week ultrasound, though, because our baby weighed about 9 oz. at that point. Of course, I always forget my questions once I'm sitting in front of the doctor, so when I got home, I Googled the average weight for an 18-week-old fetus, and found that it's 6.7 oz. I freaked a little, wondering if that meant I would be likely to give birth to a giant, but everything I've read says that all babies grow at different rates and that I shouldn't worry. He may have just gone through a little growth spurt. The doctor said all other measurements were right on target for my September 5 due date.
Speaking of "he," it's a boy! We were actually very surprised to see his "turtle" on the ultrasound because we had convinced ourselves it would be a girl. In fact, we had not picked out one boy's name and we're still having trouble coming up with any we can both agree on. Suggestions are very welcome!
My freshman students at school claimed they had known it was going to be a boy for weeks. It's funny to listen to all the pregnancy jargon they're so familiar with, including "you're going to be all belly" (spoken by a boy), and "oh, you're carrying so low; it'll be a boy for sure." So many of them seem to be veterans on pregnancy. I have lots of freshmen whose mothers, sisters, aunts, etc. are expecting, and others who are expecting, themselves. Unfortunately, it hasn't seemed uncommon lately to see 15 and 16 year-old girls roaming the hallways with baby bellies. I recently spoke with the school social worker about the number of students this year who seem to be getting pregnant, and she commented that she sees a common theme of their wanting someone who will love them, as well as a certain feeling of entitlement to having a baby. It really is a complex situation.
A couple of weeks ago, an expecting student said to me, "You're pregnant, right? Well, I have a question about those government check things you get when the baby's born." She was referring to the WIC (Women, Infants, Children) program that I only knew a little about because I had worked as a cashier at a grocery store all four years of high-school. It's a program that provides low-income mothers with vouchers for food items such as baby formula, cheese, eggs, bread, veggies, etc. I told her I probably wasn't the best person to ask because I didn't know very much about it all, and she acted completely shocked. She responded, "What do you mean? You get it, right? Everybody who has a baby gets it." When I told her that, no, I didn't get it, she asked, "You mean, you have to pay for Enfamil and stuff with your own money? Why?" I was stumped. I didn't really know what the right way to answer her was. I just told her that, luckily, my husband and I both have good jobs that make us enough money to support the baby on our own. "Oh, so you're too rich to be on it, huh? I bet you wish you got it, though, right? That stuff's expensive." Again, I said, "No." I told her that since we could afford to pay for the baby, and that since we had made the decision to have it and take care of it, we wanted to do it without government help.
I do think WIC is such a great and much needed program. I know there are lots of moms out there that probably wouldn't be able to make it without it. My conversation with this student, though, really made me so frustrated with the culture of poverty. And to preface my next statement, I really don't mean to generalize, because I know there are many many people in unideal financial situations, who struggle and work their butts off to turn things around for themselves and their families. It's just that I think there are many kids and teens who haven't been taught that government assistance programs shouldn't necessarily be used as a consistent source of income. How do we effectively give students in poverty equal opportunities and educate them in setting realistic goals for themselves? I know the answer involves some sort of intricate combination of education, individual motivation, and a decrease in society's glass ceilings and negative enablers, but why can't there just be a simple solution?
In my junior English class, we're reading Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby, and, along with that, discussing and studying the American dream. I had them read a New York Times article that poses the question: "Is the American dream that people can rise from rags to riches with a little grit and imagination - or fall from the top rungs to lesser positions if they can't cut it - mostly a myth?" (www.nytimes.com). Most of my students said they truly believe in the American dream, but contradictorily, numerous studies have shown that, despite the success stories on which we tend to base this dream, the vast majority of people won't climb from poverty to wealth or fall from wealth to the middle class. So to pose the seemingly ever present question, how do we make that dream come alive? How do we close the gap? Of course, education is a humongous part of the answer, but poverty still doesn't seem to be diminishing. And if we could close the gap, would money and excess truly make people happier? In the story of Gatsby, the narrator, Nick Carraway, says, "There are only the pursued, the pursuing, the busy, and the tired." In other words, these core problems are ubiquitous even among the wealthy. So what is the answer? How do we make life better for all people?
I know I just completely digressed from the topic of pregnancy, but I think those are the topics we really have to discuss to raise healthy babies who are loved and feel confident in their ability to make a positive contribution.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Week 11
I've been planning to post some pics of my bump when it decides to show up, but for now, there's really nothing there yet. I do think I look pregnant at night after I've eaten all day and drunk bottle after bottle of water, but really it's just food, gas, and water retention. Since my uterus is about the size of a grapefruit right now, it pushes all my other organs (mostly intestines) up and out which is another cause of my belly bulge at night. So, although I won't be buying maternity clothes for a while, it is time to get some bigger jeans, or at least a "bella band" that makes it possible for me to leave them unbuttoned. I've been improvising with a hairband by looping it around the button and through the button hole to give me a little extra room.
My next appointment is on Feb 24. I don't think they'll be doing an ultrasound, but we should get a chance to hear the baby's heartbeat with a Doppler. I can't wait! We're also thinking about discussing the idea of cord blood banking with our doctor. That basically entails having blood from the umbilical cord or placenta frozen after the baby is born. This is becoming popular because it enables the stem cells from that blood to be used if the baby or I ever developed certain illnesses such as lymphoma or other cancers. Apparently, it's a pretty expensive insurance policy, though, so we want to find out the statistics about how frequently it's actually used. Decisions, decisions!
On a different note, my nausea has almost completely subsided and I'm gaining back some energy (knock on wood). Hopefully, that will mean I can stop using my planning periods at school for nap time. I've only actually fallen asleep twice, but I did get caught with my head down on my desk by one of my students who dropped by for some tutoring. After that, I decided it was time to spill the beans to all of my classes about the baby before rumors started spreading. I'm usually extremely private with them about my life outside of school. The most they really know about me is that my husband is in the army, and that I'm from Kansas. Although they do tend to ask questions about my personal life, I steer clear mostly because I know they would do anything to get me to digress from grammar and literature. Needless to say, I was actually a little nervous to tell them about my news.
Telling them, however, has turned out to be a blessing! After their initial elation (yesterday, I had to explain what that word actually meant, and one girl thought it was so beautiful and full of meaning that she would name her baby "Elation" some day), I realized they probably thought my being pregnant meant they would have a sub for a chunk of the semester, which, to them, usually means free-for-all. I had to break it to them that I'm not actually due until September, so not to get too excited. After we laughed about their shattered hopes, they really started showing their concern for me. They told me they would really have to start behaving themselves to keep me from getting stressed! And they actually have been. I'm sure it's a combination of sympathy mixed with seeing me as an actual person rather than just "Mrs. Canty," but this past week-and-a-half has been smooth sailing. They seem more trusting, more comfortable, more respectful, and it's made work so much more enjoyable. One told me she was so glad I decided to tell them because they knew something wasn't right, and they all thought I was just becoming depressed. A couple of my freshman girls even stop by every day to make sure I'm eating a good lunch. "We want our baby to healthy," they tell me. Anyway, I've learned that part of my students' untrusting wall and problem behavior was probably a result of my unwillingness to share my life with them as well. What a great learning experience!
Friday, January 29, 2010
Week 9
Hi all! I'm starting a baby blog both for my own sake in keeping a journal of symptoms and experiences, and, since I don't see many of you very often, as a way to keep you updated on how my pregnancy is progressing. My friend, Caitlin, gave me the idea--her baby boy is due any day now!
As most of you know, Mike and I got pregnant around the time of our wedding last June, but I miscarried a few days after he deployed to Afghanistan in late August. As physically and emotionally painful as the experience was, it definitely made us realize how ready we were to start a family. Luckily, we're both extremely fertile; we're pregnant again! I'm about 9 weeks along, and our baby is due September 5. Although we couldn't be more excited, I've been so anxious this time around. Fortunately, the second trimester is just a few weeks away, and to say I'm ready for it would be an understatement, both for the anxiety relief, and to kiss some of these draining symptoms goodbye.
Exhaustion, check. Constant indigestion, check. Nausea any time I eat, check. Constipation, check. Bloating, check. Mood swings, check. Yes, all of the pregnancy cliches are very true. And, although I know all of them won't disappear over the next few weeks, it will at least be refreshing to gain back some energy. The combination of fatigue, nausea, and indigestion makes me wonder sometimes whether I'm pregnant, or just permanently hungover. Just kidding! No alcohol for me these days. Sigh. According to most of the books and websites, surging hormones and metabolism, and a slowed digestive system are to blame for these intruding symptoms. Another culprit is that my body is actually growing a new organ to support the baby: the placenta. As much as science is behind everything that's going on, it does seem pretty miraculous to think that a woman's body grows an entirely new organ, specifically for the purpose of supporting the extra life inside!
It’s such a crazy feeling to think about a little person developing and growing inside me. Right now, our baby is just a little smaller than a grape, and we’re already wondering if it will be a boy or a girl. Our friends, Missy and Brice, just welcomed their little Britton into the world in November, and Caitlin and Brian will welcome their little Case any day now. With their boys, we think our odds are for a girl. Any bets? We won't find out for sure until around 18 weeks (April-ish), so we've got quite a while to go. We did, however, get to see him/her in an ultrasound a few days ago! Although its profile looks more like Mr. Peanut than a baby right now, it was so reassuring to see its fluttering heartbeat and tiny arms and legs. There really is no experience like it!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
